Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Leftovers from the retreat

Just to give you a better idea of the kind of area I was in:

* I come back from a french fry run. There's a lodge employee showing a group of people around. We cross paths near the elevator, and the woman announces, "This is the fastest elevator in town!"

There are a couple of oohs and aahs. "Really?" one guy asks.

"Sure is!" she says proudly, then: "'Course, it's the only elevator in town, too!"

(I have to vouch for the elevator here. It might have been the only one in town, but it WAS pretty fast.)

* Sunday morning, I see a billboard. There's an adorable, smiling baby on the left side. Was it an ad for a day care center? An Osh Kosh outlet? A fertility clinic?

Um, no.

Try DNA TESTING. On the right side was an enormous headline that said "Who's your daddy?" and underneath, the appropriate "1-800-MY-DADDY" phone number. I guarantee that 800 number's really a direct line to Maury Povich's producers. He does one of those shows at least once a week.

Those two things made me laugh, but really, it was a beautiful area, and a very productive trip. VH1 did me a favor by not repeating the Kiefer documentary, so not counting my break, I managed to get, like, 14 hours of work in on Saturday. Which was very, very good.

Also, I banged out five miles on the elliptical tonight, so it's a start to halting the madness. I figure I only have about 50 or so miles to go to undo all the damage from my junk food junket. Assuming I don't have any MORE junk food in the meantime ... aw, screw it.


At 4:40 AM, Blogger Drew Blackstone said...

I can't afford an elliptical, so I have to work out on a spherical.

At 9:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha Ha Ha that poster!

At 10:55 AM, Blogger Bina said...

Yea, Maury Povich has got to be behind that billboard! Lord woman, how long does it take to do five miles? Oh if only I could get there again. I feel fat and gross. What is a spherical?

At 11:07 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Don't worry - you burned off at least half of those french fries laughing about that billboard. Perspective really is everything.

And the fastest elevator in the midwest? That's pretty exciting!

At 11:41 AM, Blogger Karen said...

We have those "Who's Your Daddy" ads on the sides of some of the city buses. I'm not sure if that's a concern people spend a lot of time mulling over at the bus stop.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Drew Blackstone said...

A spherical is a bad joke. Sphere (Ball) vs. ellipse (Oval).

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Jess Riley said...

*snort* Well, at least they weren't bragging about a mysterious revolving door.

And look at you with that elliptical marathon! I just started working out to undo my Halloween candy binge.

At 3:16 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I KNEW you were gonna say THAT BILLBOARD!!

At 3:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are remarkable that long on your elliptical, I have trouble with 30 mins on mine... How do you do it?? Are you secretly hiding a wonderwoman outfit under your clothes???

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

No! The secret is I'm only allowed to read my magazines when I'm working out. I can flip through and look at the pictures when I get them, but no reading allowed until I'm on the machine. So Monday's People, Tuesday's US, Wednesday's Entertainment Weekly ... you think I'm kidding, but I really do have a schedule. The better the magazine, the longer I'm on there! Anything to keep my mind off the clock.

At 5:44 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Swishy, your subscription-based workout plan is hysterical! Honestly, the very thought of it has me ready to log on to peoplemagazine.com to subscribe, except for two problems: 1. I can't read on the machine. I'm not coordinated enough and it makes me kind of woozy; and 2. What do you read at the hairdresser's if you use up all the celeb mags on the eliptical? (Obviously I'm open to suggestions to solve these important issues...)

At 9:33 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

You mean i can find my baby daddy, ride the fastest elevator in town and eat at Mikey D's? Fo real dawg?

At 8:49 AM, Blogger Bina said...

I love ttg's comment. A strategic, well implemented reading/work out schedule. You are now my hero!

At 12:48 PM, Blogger Andie said...

I admire your ability to elliptical and read at the same time. I can never focus and do both. It makes me kind of dizzy!

At 12:42 AM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

Ohhh, I was totally wondering if you were in Montel's hometown or what ... I have seen similar ads for DNA testing. Crazy stuff there.
Glad you got soo much done .. whatever *it* is!


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