Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The land of passive-aggressiva

(Gold star if you know where the subject line's from!)

I made it four months in the new apartment before I got a letter from the management office informing me of a neighbor complaint. I'm actually impressed I lasted that long. That's not too bad, huh? Apparently the people downstairs (who I've never met) don't like me running my washer after 10 p.m. Well, I'm not crazy about hearing THEIR washer going either when I stumble into the bathroom to pee at 6 a.m., but I mean, whatever, it's an apartment, sometimes you hear stuff.

I do my laundry once a week, so it's not like it's running every night. I also, honestly, didn't realize it was loud at all, since it's way on the other side of the apartment from the master bedroom, and the only reason I can hear theirs is because I pay attention to every little sound so I have time to grab the baseball bat to beat the hell out of the serial killer when he tries to sneak in.

Really, though, this is my thing: Just walk up the stairs and tell me. I'm so nice, I really am. If you tell me it bothers you, I will fall all over myself apologizing and be super duper extra careful from then on. I'm also likely to make a plate of cookies or brownies and drop them off as a goodwill gesture. Getting a letter in the mail telling me you're pissed that I ran my washer at 10 p.m., however, just makes me hate you.

They also slam their door. I never slam mine.

In other news, check out this website. It tells you how many other people in America have your name, and it's crazy addictive, even if it's not 100 percent accurate. Allegedly, there are 14 people in the country who have my name. But do they all have passive-aggressive neighbors and an alter ego called Swishy? I think not.

21 Comments:

At 12:22 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Hey. You are so nice, you would have been like, "Oh, I'm so sorry, let me make it up to you by giving you a plate of brownies." Which, you would start to make, but then I would force you to laden it with chocolate ex-lax because they are bastard people so they deserve to have the shits all night long for being mean to you when all you're doing is freaking laundry! But then, if you did that, you would have to hear their toilet running all night long.

Fuckers.

 
At 12:26 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

There are FORTY-TWO other Manic Moms in the US!

I did your shortened version of your first name and got only ONE of you!!

I did my ex-boyfriend, and there's only one of him!

I did another ex-boyfriend's name, and it said Zero. I wonder if he died.

Ha. fun. but like that damn google game, I'm not going back there!

 
At 12:58 AM, Blogger Whit said...

Start doing jumping jacks at 10pm, then the washer won't seem so bad.

 
At 1:08 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

HA HA. I should SO take them ex-lax brownies anyway. Come over and help me make them, please, please, please???

Only one of my shortened name? YAY!

I'm off to do jumping jacks ...

(P.S. It's midnight and they just slammed their door. JUST SAYING.)

 
At 1:23 AM, Blogger Drew Blackstone said...

Hey, you wanna keep it down with the washer? I trying to get a little sleep here!

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger Beth said...

You're so nice...I would run my washer EVERY night at 10pm after getting that letter...and slam my door.

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Trish said...

We had neighbors that complained about us because we were renting the apartment over our garage to a very sweet and quiet girl just out of college. Like what was there to complain about? WE hardly even knew she was there.

And THEY should talk....they had two big brutish dogs that barked everytime we went outside.

I could have given those dogs some ex-lax brownies.

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Your downstairs neighbors should be happy. They could be much worse off. When we first moved in, the hose blew off the back of our washer because it had never been installed properly. It flooded our laundry room and caused beaucoup de water damage to our downstairs neighbors. They were actually as nice as people could possibly be under the cirumstances. Probably because I was crying and saying "Oh my god" over and over. Anyway, those people should have had the balls to come and say something in person if it's that big a deal.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

I had a bit of a stress-management problem when I was in law school, and for a blissful three days, I thought I'd found my answer in late-night step aerobics.

Then one day I came home to find the nicest note under my door from my downstairs neighbors. Apparently, as I pumped up the jam, the light fixture over their bed (directy below me) literally shimmied from the ceiling; they were afraid it would break loose and land on them. This made me feel a little bad.

But the best part of the note was when they quoted actual studies about the negative impact of late-night exercise on sleep patterns, and said they were concerned for my long-term well being. Honesly, anyone who takes the time to hand-write a two page letter with statistics deserves a good night's sleep :)

Your neighbors, on the other hand, might cause me to take up a loud instrument. Like the trombone, perhaps.

 
At 1:54 PM, Anonymous allee said...

Hey Swishy. Since I have so much free time at work (HA!), I checked the site. I can't believe there are over 2000 people in the US with my first name. However, I do believe that if combined with my last name, there is only one! Fun!

 
At 2:42 PM, Blogger Bina said...

I hate living in apartments. I NEVER complain about anyone, but I have had people complain about me, for doing laundry! These people slammed their doors, played their radio REALLY loud every morning bright and early at 5:00 AM and I never complained. Just go down there and tell those people all they had to do was let you know, they didn't have to freaking complain to management!

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Andie said...

your neighbors are weirdos.

 
At 4:38 PM, Blogger Two Roads said...

Since you are obsessed with Grey's Anatomy - it is a totally appropriate blog post title! Do I win? Do I win?

Two weeks ago the guy above me was having a real loud party. Even though it was only 12:30am on a Saturday night (which is not all that late) I called him and asked him to just tone it down a little. I felt bad when he told me it was his birthday but when he heard the sound of my laryngitis crackly coughing voice he felt bad for me. The next day there was a bottle of wine and a sweet note. That's neighborly!

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger Scribe LA said...

Asshat has recently become one of my favorite words. Join me Swishy... your neighbors are asshats. Bake something awesome and invite some other neighbors over so the mean neighbors notice and then ignore them. If they ask what's going on, you can tell them you're having some friends from the apartments over and then close the door on them with the smile still on your face. You can tell I've had some asshat neighbors myself, huh? A bit obvious....
Scribe

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

Seriously. God bless. A complaint? I run by dishwasher all the time past 10pm, haven't heard any complaints, yet (knock on wood) but in the last place I lived they made sure to include in their monthly newsletter: Try not to use a vacuum past 8pm.
A VACUUM? 8PM? It was crazy!!

0 peeps have my name!

 
At 1:07 AM, Blogger TTQ said...

Nobody else has my full married name, maiden with the shortened version of my name there are 373

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger Karen said...

According to this website, there is nobody with my last name. Um, that's not really true. But interesting, nevertheless. I like to think that I'm unique!

Now, as to your neighbors, that's really crappy. I think this is exactly the problem in the U.S. Everybody is so passive-agressive. If they had to complain to your face, they probably would have been more measured in their negativity. And it's laundry, not a party!!! Jeez!

 
At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Eileen said...

What losers you live near. I loathe people like this- I suspect they have no life and as a result feel compelled to piss on everyone else. Unless the reason they didn't tell you is that they see you wandering around with your anti-serial killer bat and are afraid of you.

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

Ok, so it is telling me that there are 0 (yes, ZERO) people named Frannie, thus zero people named Frannie Farmer. I just dont' know what to say about that. I think I need to check with someone .. who?

 
At 9:55 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

 And then I completely suck, because I don't even mention the neighbor issue ... I think is so NOT an issue. Really. You are washing your clothes, which means that you should have decent hygiene.
I once lived next to a single 40-50 year old woman, who like to use her *toy* for an exaggerated amount of time at night. She was LOUD. How does one politely mention that? I thought that was pretty bad. Until I moved in next to the people that didn’t wash their clothes ... they really liked patchouli.

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger Lara said...

Ohhhhh, I can so relate to the crazy neighbours... I haven't had a good night's sleep in two months, and there are times that I'm having such a bad allergic reaction that I can't breathe and my eyes are so swollen and puffy I can't keep them open... all because my downstairs neighbour is a chain smoker who doesn't believe in opening a window to air out her house, even while she's painting or using other toxic fumes... There's supposed to be concrete bewteen the two houses (stacked townhouse) and insulation in the walls, but it's pretty apparent that there isn't, (and let's not talk about the mice. ick.) I haven't said a word to her, but have been fighting the property managers to get the insulation fixed so I can actually *live* in my house. But after a huge windstorm last week, she found some cigarette butts on her patio and somehow this is my fault and she keeps leaving me nasty notes that I'm throwing them on her lawn. (Um, let's go back to the whole allregy thing, shall we?)

I've been plotting all sorts of flaming poo deliveries and loud raucous parties all night...

 

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