Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

A peek into Swishy's in-box

All is well in Swishyville--there just aren't enough hours in the day, I swear! I went to bed last night at 3. THREE! And I'm supposed to be at work by 9. I'm definitely a night person, but 3 a.m. on a weeknight is a little crazy. I'm not tired yet, but just wait until I'm trying to field a line drive at 9:30 tonight during the second game of a softball doubleheader. Tomorrow's post: all about Swishy's black eye!

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I write a little bit for my job, and get emails from all kinds of random people about the stuff I write. Most of it is totally nice, normal stuff. Some of it, though? Some of it is pretty funny. (Edited to take out all of the identifying details and because I can only stand so much crappy grammar before it makes me insane. Except for the middle one. That one I left.)

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Blondes are so easy, they give it up without my having to do anything really ... it's like they sit when I want them to sit and stand when I want them to stand. You are the typical gold-digging, sleep-with-the-bosses-to-get-promotions, brainless BLONDIE! Thank your lucky stars you have "other means" you can use to be successful. I feel sorry for you when you get old!

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Based on your picture, I'm guessing most men are lining up to ask you out. I know I would, were I not old enough to be your father!

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I respectfully disagree, mademoiselle crack smoker.

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i love reading your articles just to see that smile. You are f---g hot!!!! joey fatone does not know he was standing next to the hottest girl in that dump. if i was there not only would i have gotten your number but we would be dating now. you are doing a great job, i love your articles, and i know you look hot in a bikini. I work in Long Island New York in a hospital and if you ever need a x-ray look me up (i will make sure we run out of gowns that day!!!!!!!!)

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Hopefully I'm not crossing any boundaries here ... but I'd do ya.

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Cute article, but trying to get a hot celebrity to dump his girlfriend and date someone unknown and undistracting like you is just embarrassing. Keep those vibrator batteries charged.

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Hey Swish--why don't you stick to the kitchen and bake me up some cookies.

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Hi. Consider this email a renewal of my annual request for Swishy to marry me.

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Hello sweetheart! I enjoyed reading your article. I was compelled to write, though, because of your misconception regarding the ability of a man in his 40s to date women in their 20s. I am 44 and I have made love to more women in their early 20s since turning 40 than I had when I was in my 20s and 30s. They are attracted by the confidence (not arrogance) that comes from years of pleasuring women. It is my experience that younger women are VERY excited by an attractive, mature, sexually confident man. If you happen to meet one when you are old enough, don't pass on him, take him home and learn why! (BTW, your photo is really cute!)

13 Comments:

At 6:23 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

undistracting=understated? Man, you must be really focused on your career.

 
At 6:48 PM, Blogger Trish said...

These are too funny! You'll never have bloggers block again...just pull a few beaut's out for a good laugh.

 
At 7:03 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

Hilarious. At least you know where you can find a date. j/k
;)

 
At 8:26 PM, Blogger Ramblin Rose said...

Too funny!!! What a riot!!!


RR

 
At 11:14 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Man, you always have such good stuff!!!

 
At 12:49 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I think most of those men wanted a peek into Swishy's... BOX!

Oops, did I just say that outloud?

How'd the one guy know about the vibrator?!?!?

LOLOLOL... Kidding, Swishy Readers, just kidding! A gal can joke, right?

 
At 1:14 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

Manic, you dirty bird!!! HA HA HA.

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Jen-t said...

Thanks for the laugh, very cool.

 
At 9:28 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Okay, the guy in his 40's was kind of gross (please Sir, spare me the imagery of your years of "pleasuring women" - it begs the question, "where are they now if you were so good to them???"), but hey, not every woman has had a guy personally invite her for an X-ray! Go Swishy!

I'm guessing that other writers don't get this kind of feedback??? :)

 
At 9:55 AM, Blogger Allison Winn Scotch said...

Why don't I get emails like these? Love them!

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Bina said...

Holy Crap! What is wrong with some of these people? And why in God's name would they email someone they don't even know and make some of those remarks? Freaking amazing!

Oh, the one who sent his annual marriage proposal? That was cute.

 
At 11:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

peace and love!
the kunzes

 
At 12:49 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Absolutely, massively classic.

 

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