Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

It's hard work being a grown-up

We got a new dress code at work this week. And by "new dress code" I mean "first dress code ever." It used to be that as long as you were wearing SOMETHING, you were good. One guy who used to work there literally wore his freaking pajamas to work every day. Seriously: T-shirt, pajama pants, socks and sandals. In the winter he'd throw on a hoodie over it. The rest of us didn't quite get THAT comfortable with the lack of a dress code, but you'd see lots of flip-flops, shorts in the summer, that kind of thing.

The new dress code isn't super, duper strict--we can still get away with jeans, for example. But there are no T-shirts allowed, and guys have to wear socks and shoes--no sandals. (Girls can still wear sandals. Yay!) You wouldn't think it would be a huuuuge deal. But OH, MY GOODNESS was it a huge deal today. Today was the first day it was really enforced, and it was CLASSIC.

**********

My phone rings. "Guess what."
Me: "What?"
"I got in trouble for not having a collar on my shirt, so they made me put on this other guy's shirt (this other guy is a few sizes smaller than the guy talking) over the one I'm wearing."
Me: "Nuh-UH!"
"Yeah. It's unbelievable."
Me: "I'm coming over right now. I've got to see this."

(The shirt is oversized, so it could have been worse, but it still does look ridiculous. As we're talking, another guy wearing a very similar shirt to the one "in violation" walks by.)

"What?!? How come HE gets to wear that? What the HELL?"
Guy walking by: "Don't even get me involved."
"What-EVER! That's BULLSHIT!"

(Guy wearing two shirts then decides to make a point by driving 45 minutes home and back in the middle of the workday to change his shirt.)

**********

The number of people sent home to change is confirmed so far at two, with whispers of more. There's also a rumor floating around that one guy went to Goodwill and bought himself an "appropriate" outfit for five bucks.

**********

Another guy: "I don't even understand what we're allowed to wear."
Me: "I mean, I don't know. Just look decent, I guess, and it should be fine."
Another guy: "This whole thing is ridiculous."
Me: "It's like a sitcom."
Another guy: "A really BAD one." Pauses. "So what about those tuxedo T-shirts? Do you think they'd say something about those?"

**********

Guy 3: "I wore sandals yesterday, and I totally got a dirty look. Today, they came over just to check my feet. I can't stand this crap."
Me: "Well, you know, it's been proven that wearing shoes instead of sandals makes you a better worker."
Guy 3: "Ha ha. If they say anything to me, I'm coming into work wearing a kilt."
Me: "NO, YOU WOULD NOT."
Guy: "I would, too."
Me: "I dare you."
Guy: "You don't have to dare me. I'll do it."
Me: "If you do that, seriously, I will buy you lunch every day for a week."
Guy: "I'm going to start looking for one this weekend."

**********

I walk out into the hall and there are four guys dressed IDENTICALLY in solid colored shirts, brown belts and khakis. They're huddled together, talking in the kind of intent whispers that you usually only hear at recess after some mean girl spits in another mean girl's lunch.

Me: "Let me guess--dress code."
They all shoot me the same "I want to punch someone in the throat" look.
I start cracking up. One pipes up: "It's not that funny."
Me: "You're right. It's not funny, it's HILARIOUS."

16 Comments:

At 2:27 AM, Blogger Ramblin Rose said...

oh you should take pictures this is so funny thanks for the laughs!!!

rr

 
At 2:54 AM, Blogger Mike said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so fucking glad I don't work there anymore. And no, I'm not the pajama guy.

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Trish said...

Oh dear...

This post has obvi ruffled a few feathers. Who knew that blogging about clothes could cause so much controversy?

I still had a good laugh tho' :-)

 
At 4:20 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I once wore a red velvet Calvin Kline lunging ensemble to work. It was along sleeved tunic type top, with matching baggy full length "BF's PJ"s". It was christmas time, and at that time my office mate and I had taken over a building that most of the people worked in the field, so we never had any dealings with the public, and most people in the rest of the corporation (ahem gov't job) couldn't find us if we left a trail of bread. I was so warm and fuzzy that day. god, that was a great job at times. But I'm much happier being a stay at home wife.
Real shoes means they don't want to pay you Worker's comp if you kick the copier and break a toe on the job.

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

Oh and I guess Izzy never has to worry about anymore...

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

ooops. Izzy doesn't have to worry about money..

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

TTQ--LUNGING or LOUNGING? I had to laugh cuz I envisioned you in the red velvet gear doing lunges on the floor of the office!

And Swish, does this mean you now have to wear underwear every day??!?!?! Hahahahahahahahaha!

 
At 1:13 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Not until they catch me, Manic!

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

um yeah..lounging..hehehe.. I don't think lunging was aloud..worker's comp thing and all, I could've pulled a hamstring

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

hee hee, priceless.

 
At 5:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"They're huddled together, talking in the kind of intent whispers that you usually only hear at recess after some mean girl spits in another mean girl's lunch."

funny, but you know mean girls don't spit in other mean girls' lunches. they spit in nice, lonely girls' lunches. which is what makes the mean girls so very mean indeed. you never did that, did you?

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I don't know what spitting in lunches has to do with anything, but your post was funny!

My job...I wear pjamma pants all day long!

 
At 10:44 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

(Cue indignant noise.) No, I did NOT spit into nice, lonely girls' lunches! I was a very nice girl at lunchtime and recess!

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger Andie said...

what cracks me up is that MEN have such issues with following a dress code. I mean, men have it SO EASY when it comes to getting dressed in the morning. Men don't have fat days, bad hair days, acne days, etc. They just take a 10 minute shower, shave and put on a pair of khakis and a polo with the same brown shoes. Their wardrobe is reasonably priced and easy to deal with.

I can't believe they are having issues. That just cracks me up.

 
At 5:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suggestion: get a Doctors note to wear tennis shoes. I did it!
Dress codes SUCKv

 

Post a Comment

<< Home