Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Why I'll never be a hot senior citizen

So I went this week for a little ... maintenance. The last chick I got was all business and, honestly, a little rough with the wax, and generally freaked me the hell out. This time I got a different woman, an older one who'd been doing bikini waxes forever (definite plus). She was also super chatty, which is a nice perk to help keep your mind off the fact that someone is ripping hair out of a fairly sensitive part of your body. I found out that she loves Sex and the City, that Samantha is her favorite character, and that the number of men who get their backs waxed goes way up in the summertime.

So then I go, "What's the craziest thing you've ever seen?"
"Oh, I've seen lots of things."
"I know, but the CRAZIEST. Or the funniest. Whatever."

(Manic Mom and I asked Elena the Mistress of Pain this question, and she said it was this guy who asked to have his back waxed, and then asked her to keep going and do his butt ... which had a BLUE DOT above the crack. She was like, "Do you know if that means something?" And Manic was like, "Um ... maybe it was a target?"

I know what you're thinking, and NO FREAKING JOKE. I don't see stuff like that at my job either.)

Anyway, she's like, "Well ... this is pretty funny. This lady came in not too long ago for a Brazilian ... and she was 60 years old!"

OK, seriously. A BRAZILIAN. And she's SIXTY. She said the woman had just gotten divorced and started dating a 50-year-old, and wanted to do a little something to spice things up. Which, you know what--great. I'm all for spice. But whatever happened to whipped cream and blindfolds and doing it on the kitchen floor? Hello, 99 percent of every issue of Cosmo is dedicated to "spicing up your love life." You really have to subject your 60-year-old nether regions to a BRAZILIAN?

I seriously cannot get over that. By the time I'm 60, I'll be ecstatic to be having any sex, let alone sex after a BRAZILIAN.


At 7:52 AM, Blogger Jen-t said...

Yeah, well the older you get, the less weird it seems. Now I'm not even close to sixty, but the things I'm still doing (or trying) at 40, well, lets just say I thought 40 was damn old a while back, and well, nope, it's not.

At 9:53 AM, Blogger TTQ said...

Go grandma! My mom is close to 70 and I could see her doing something like that but not to impress some man, she would do it for her to feel sexy! She's hot though!

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

I'm all for keeping the pot simmering well into my senior years...but I SO hope by the time I get there, keeping the fire burning won't involve follicles being violently ripped from my body by someone I've just met!

At 12:06 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Sorry but this just freaks me out! I don't think I could go to some stranger and have them rip out my pubic hair! they can see things even I haven't seen! Is it wierd? It's got to hurt like the dickens! Maybe I'll try it to "spice things up"!

At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Eileen said...

At 60 I hope not to be going for the "Wisconsin" where you just try and stop the hair growth before it hits your knees.

At 12:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang! 60 sure isn't what is used to be.

At 11:09 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

I am all for trying new things and "age is just a number" and etc, etc, etc, but we're talking about HOT WAX on your BUTT CRACK! NO ONE needs to go through that!

Beth, a bikini wax totally hurts, especially at first, but they don't see as much as you think. You keep your underwear on (or wear a disposable pair) and they work around it.

NOT the case with the Brazilian, though!!!


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