Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Another day at the office

Boss: I'm going to call you Llib from now on. L-L-I-B.
Me: Why's that?
Boss: Because your extension is exactly the same as Bill's, only backwards. So Llib. It's Bill spelled backwards.
Me: Um, OK.
Boss: Talk to you later, Llib.


Me (looking at a photo): Don't you think it's too big?
Male designer: Can I get that on tape?


Most random sighting of the day: I walk into the bathroom and there's a D cell battery on the floor in front of the toilet. I haven't seen a D battery in about 10 years. What's it doing in the bathroom? Where was it before it ended up on the bathroom floor? We may never know the answers to these questions--but I have my theories.


Guy at work: Did you hear about Screech's sex tape?
Me: YES! Did you hear what it HAS on it?
Guy at work: A threesome?
Me: BESIDES the threesome. It's sick. I read it in the New York Daily News.
Guy at work: What?
Me: I'm not telling. I'm a good girl.
Guy at work: Yeah, you're as innocent and pure as the driven snow ... in Chernobyl.


Different guy: So there were a couple cops shot in my old neighborhood.
Me: Wow. That's horrible.
Different guy: And a drug bust.
Me: That's crazy.
Different guy: Yeah. I don't live there anymore, though.
Me: That's too bad. Sounds like a nice place. Lots of good, old-fashioned American values at work there.
Different guy: Yeah. So. (Pauses.) If you ever need help with a carjacking, let me know.

This is all pretty par for the course.


At 8:21 AM, Blogger Bina said...

Sounds about as interesting as my day yesterday. But hey, at least you talked about something besides work. I was SO busy that I took every key off my key board, cleaned under them and cleaned each individual key with alcohol. Then I got out the vacuum, attached the brush thing, and cleaned up all the dust on my monitors, behind the monitors, and all the nook and cranies.

Yea, great day.

At 2:50 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Tell your boss his new name is going to be Ssob... for serious son of a bitch!

Love this post. you are so fun. I'm going to IM you now. Oh, we all read the paper, scissors, rock article yesterday! My in laws are here again and I proudly showed them! They are impressed with your career!

At 5:08 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I read about the Screech video too.........YUK!!! NASTY! But I would like to see the tommy Lee and Pan video, to be honest..ya know...just to size him up and all.

At 10:38 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

It's conversations like you had all day that make me miss working. seriously. I mean when you are locked in a fairly small area with just one or two people for an 8 hour day, you have the strangest conversations after awhile. Then I was moved to cubicle hell with a promotion, and I hated all the ass kissing jockeying they did. Plus the fact that conversations echoed through a high ceiling rotunda thing.. no more rubber band fights, imitations of people we hated , web surfing or personal calls....... guess i got out when the fun ended.

At 4:12 AM, Blogger Ramblin Rose said...

I'd die for a conversation with out bob the builder or any other toddler conversation and pre teen kid fights!! You are soooooo lucky...

Tell your boss you've decided to call him ass cuz his real name is too long....


At 6:42 AM, Blogger Hotwire said...

you and i might work at the same place, as this is the same stuff i hear all day long (minus the battery)

At 12:35 PM, Blogger Kim Stagliano said...

D cell battery on the bathroom floor? Check out my blog entry from 9/27, "Does Oku Mean Good in Japanese?" and I believe you'll find your answer!


At 2:07 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Kim ... my thoughts exactly!! I was like, wow, that must be a big one! LOL.

At 5:38 PM, Blogger Kim Stagliano said...

Screech was on Howard Stern trying to raise money to saved his house. The sex tape is probably for publicity. ICK. The guy who played the teacher on one of the versions of SBTB, Bob Golic (sp?)the former football player is now on a talk radio station in AKRON Ohio -- WNIR, the "Talk" of Akron.

Thanks for popping into my blog, Swishy!


At 11:34 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...


I think you should drop HIS security card in the toilet...

At 1:22 AM, Blogger Jess Riley said...

I heard what else is on that sex tape!!! WHat a creepo. Oh Screech, how the mighty (ha!) have fallen.

At 8:21 AM, Blogger Karitown said...

Funny. There is something to be said about working. It certainly must give you inspiration for writing. Sounds like there's some great stories in there.

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Andie said...

what a day!

You always make me laugh with your funny work posts.


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