Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Stalkerazzi, part II

So I'm driving along the highway. I glance to my right, I glance to my left, I keep going on my merry little way. A couple seconds later, I glance to my left again. And again. The guy in the next lane is TOTALLY looking at me. Like, full-on STARING. I'm guessing he saw me dancing around to the radio, and who WOULDN'T stare at that. It's like witnessing an eight-car wreck.

I drive along for, oh, a half-mile or so and I glance over again. He's still looking! How is he even driving in a straight line?!

Conveniently enough, my camera just happens to be sitting on the passenger seat. So I decide to oh, so casually prop it up on the steering wheel and snap a shot of him. Just to prove how CRAZY this dude is.

Yes, I am driving 70 miles an hour. Yes, I am also now having a conversation on my cell phone. Yes, I am a little bit of a stalker (but you already knew that). Yes, my reckless and blatant disregard for basic rules and common sense makes me a danger to society.

OK, now that that's all out of the way, here's Try 1:

Um ... obviously I haven't gotten much better at this kind of thing. But, in my defense, I AM trying to avoid killing someone.

I perch the camera on top of the steering wheel, facing out the driver's window, trying to make it look like I'm sort of just holding it. I push the button ...

... and OH, CRAP! The flash went off! And he saw it! HE TOTALLY JUST BUSTED ME TAKING A STALKERAZZI PICTURE OF HIM!!! He starts laughing and grabs his cell phone, probably to call 27 of his closest friends to tell them about the girl who thought he was sooo hot she just HAD to take a picture of him while driving along the highway. I cannot BELIEVE he caught me! Well, I mean, I CAN, but ... yeah.

Once I got over my 2.6 seconds of mortification (and slowed down long enough for him to get out of view), I laughed for the next 10 miles. But listen--if some guy tries to tell you about how smitten the girl in the blue car is with him, DO NOT BELIEVE HIM! HE was the one staring at ME!

**Swishy disclaimer: Contrary to the evidence above, I am a VERY SAFE DRIVER. I have never caused an accident involving another car and have gotten ONE ticket in my entire life, which was a total joke anyway, because I was clocked at 66 in a 55 on some desolate highway in Illinois. So there.


At 3:56 AM, Blogger Sara Hantz said...

Omg, sooooo funny! There's gotta be an opening somewhere for a girl who can drive straight, take pics and gossip on the phone all at the same time. It truly is multi-tasking at its best!!

At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Eileen said...

He caught you mid- Automobile Idol. I hate when that happens.

At 2:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS! Thanks for making me laugh out loud today. That so sounds like something I would do and get caught also!

At 6:34 PM, Blogger Beth said...

i love how you always have your camera with you and ready!!! Beware people! don't do anything stupid cuz you WILL end up in this blog!! Love it!

At 7:09 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

Maybe he using his cell phone camera??!!! And somewhere he is blogging about some chick he was follwing on the highway when HE got busted!

At 10:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sooo funny!! Thanks for making my day keep up the stalking!!!


At 4:40 PM, Blogger Andie said...

so funny!!!

At 6:22 PM, Blogger mama kay said...

That is too fricken funny!!!
You are my new hero! Although, I can drive straight and put my mascara on. :o)

At 1:03 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

Tee hee ... thanks, guys :) I swear I take that camera everywhere!

And Automobile Idol ... ha ha. I'm like the William Hung of Automobile Idol.


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