Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Pedicures and perverts

So I worked tonight until, oh, 7:30, giving me exactly an hour to run to Office Max and Target, get home and scarf down my leftover Subway before I had to be at the gym. I was sooo tired, and sooo tempted to skip, but I couldn't, because I'm on this new workout plan that requires me to, like, work out. It's a sucky plan.

So I get myself to Office Max, I start to pull into a spot, and then I say ... screw it! I'm getting a pedicure instead! YEAH!!!

I haul my calloused little feet across the shopping plaza to the nail place I go to sometimes. A nail place which, by the way, technically closes at 8. Which is in approximately 20 minutes.

That, my friends, is the beauty of this nail place. The girl who works at night totally keeps it open late for me! It always goes the same way: I burst in, all flushed and wild-eyed, 20 or 30 minutes before they close. She asks me what I'm there for, I say a pedicure ... "but I can seriously come back tomorrow if there's not time! Really!" And she gives me a little "pshaw" and says, "It's no problem. Pick out a color."

And then? The best part of all? I always try to leave with wet nails so they can close on time, and she always makes me stay until they're dry. And then she sits down and watches TV with me so I don't feel bad. One time we watched the Stanley Cup playoffs, which I don't think either of us cared about, but we watched anyway. Another time we watched American Idol. But the best time, the absolute best time, was when we watched one of those Dateline: To Catch a Predator things. If there's anything more awkward than watching some skeezy guy say dirty things to a 14-year-old, it's watching a skeezy guy say dirty things to a 14-year-old while sitting next to someone you don't know. It's like, you kinda want to laugh at the guy, especially when they throw his ass to the ground and he starts to pee his pants at the prospect of sharing a cell with a 400-pound dude named Chuck, but is that inappropriate? Tacky? Insensitive?

I digress. Anyway, my feet were tired and sore and generally nasty, so I totally blew off my errands to get a pedicure, thereby making me an empowered (albeit minorly irresponsible) woman. But I'm a Pisces, and we NEED our feet to feel good. I'm serious. No one believes me when I say this, but Google "Pisces" and "feet." JUST DO IT! You'll see. I am not, like, WAY into astrology. I read my horoscope and believe it when it tells me I'm hot that day and don't believe it when it tells me I'm going to have a crappy day and that's about it. But this? This I buy into. Supposedly every sign has a corresponding body part, and mine is feet. Which means they need to be FREE (I wear flip-flops until, like, November) and FEEL-GOODY. (Need more proof? My friend is proud to be a champion pooper. When he doesn't poop, it throws him off. What's his body part? The INTESTINES! See? Told you.)

Yes, I could have a new bill sorter right now. But I have happy feet instead, which makes for a much happier Swishy. (AND I made my workout!)

* OK, seriously: If this ends up on some foot fetish site, I will totally freak out. Not that I would ever know. Not that my feet are necessarily fetish-worthy in the first place. But IF!


At 9:40 AM, Blogger Beth said...

You feet look bee-u-tee-full!! I've never had a pedicure in my whole entire life! Am I a country hick or what? No, I won't send you a pix of my feet!

At 1:26 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

You're so getting on the foot fetish sites for this one. You can bet some swarmy guy is feeling himself up right about now thinking... SWISHFEETSWISHFEETSWISHFEET!

At 2:48 PM, Anonymous Eileen said...

manic mom- your comments are deeply disturbing because I got an instant image that was most foul.. swishfeet,swishfeet has a sound to it..

At 8:28 PM, Blogger Bugwit Homilies said...

That's not even your first foot foto! Hm...they know you down at the local 'foot parlor'. You're such a good customer that they keep it open in hopes that you'll pop around...you did kind of go on about how good it feels... I think YOU'RE the one with the fetish! J'Accuse! ;-)

Thanks for dropping by the other day, btw.

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

I should have never said the word FETISH! Ha ha ha ha.

Beth, everyone should get a pedicure at least once in their lives! I always at least get one to start the summer. They're WONDERFUL!

At 12:26 AM, Blogger mama kay said...

ohhh, they look so terrific and I am so envious! I have do-it-yourself red toes. Not too bad, but I would rather have soaked in a warm tu b o'water.

At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Allee said...

Okay, I'm curious (and an Aries)what's my body part?

Also--my feet are in desparate need of a pedicure. You should have waited a few days and we could have gone together!

At 4:23 PM, Blogger Andie said...

Yes, I'm another aries who is curious what "body" part is mine?

Also, I love pedicures. I go get one once a month during the spring and summer months.

I also wear flip flops 10 months out of the year! LOL

At 3:19 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

OK, Aries is head. So if you get headaches, or if you like foot rubs ... that kind of thing.

The rest, for the curious: Taurus-throat; Gemini- lungs; Cancer-stomach; Leo-heart; Virgo-intestines; Libra-kidneys; Scorpio-genitals; Sagittarius-hips; Capricorn-knees; Aquarius-ankles.

See? Fun!

At 2:19 AM, Blogger Sara Hantz said...

OMG.... I'm not saying I didn't believe you about the body part thing, but....

I'm cancer and I just looked it up and it's totally spot on - digestive. That's me!!

At 12:20 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

SEE? I would never lead you astray :)

At 4:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you. Love the red polish-great stess reliever.

At 11:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would love to see you with purple toes. Hearing this story (and seeing your toes) made my night. Thank you for your story.


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