Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

I'm baaaack

I am the biggest blogger slacker in the world. Last week was craaaaazy!

Blah blah blah. Anyway. So the wax? TOTALLY PAINFUL. My skin was raw for, like, three days. I go in, I'm mildly freaking out, literally throwing the contents of my purse everywhere looking for Manic Mom's number so she can talk me down before I go in. (I couldn't find it. Of course.) Just before I bolt, this little woman comes out: "Sweeeeeeshy? Follow me."

I was describing the experience later to my friend, and I was all, "She had an ACCENT!" And he's like, "Are you kidding me? Did you seriously just say, 'She had an accent?'" OK, but YOU GUYS know what I mean. She had an accent like she could torture people in her sleep. An accent like she could cause pain with one flick of her fingernail. An accent of a well-trained mistress of pain. THAT kind of accent.

So I follow her into the room. I'm like, "Listen, I'm kind of a baby. I'm just warning you."

Her eyes positively gleam. "OK, you big baby. Get up on the table."

I lay on my back and, once again, lock my eyes on the ceiling. One of those nature CDs is playing--LOUDLY--and it's freaking me out, so I start talking: "Has anyone ever cried in here before?"

She shoots me a death glare. "NO. Are you going to cry?"

"Uh ... no?"

"Good." End of conversation.

I survive the 10 minutes of hell, and then she gives me my final instructions: "You should be exfoliating your skin more. You should go home and exfoliate right away, and keep doing it at least twice a week."

OK, whatever. I exfoliate my face, I exfoliate my elbows and chest and feet and sometimes even my legs. I'll exfoliate if that's what will get me out of here.

So I go home and get out my little body scrub and start rubbing it in. One second. Two seconds. And then ... RED-HOT PAIN.

Lesson of the day, kids: Never, I mean EVER, should you exfoliate a half hour after having hot wax poured on and then ripped from your body. Not if you like having skin.

And yes, I know I'm a freaking idiot.


At 10:43 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

DId you take a pic of the waxing apparatus in the room when the lady wasn't in there? Apparently, Elena was a much better waxer huh?

And I'm so hurt I had to find out about your sophomore wax via your blog! Some friend you are! LOL.

At 12:44 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

As soon as she shut the door, I whipped out my camera! Elena was sooo much better!

I could have sworn I told you on IM right before I left! I definitely needed you, that's for sure...lol.


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